Dear Cristina,

I've had a very strange love life and I'm now at a loss. When I was 19, I fell in love with my married professor, who was 44. He also had a serious disease. I remained his secret lover for 20 years. I hated that he was married but he made it seem that his health would not survive the stress of rocking the boat. He ended up getting a truly miraculous life-saving operation. I also became very ill and had to have life-saving surgery for a very rare and unexpected problem soon after. So we both survived -- and I believed it was a sign we should be together.

He at first resisted but then came around, it seemed, and started to talk about trying to get out of his marriage. In any event she discovered his affair -- and he promptly shut down, shut me out, and eventually, after much torment on my end, left me once and for all.

It's been a year now and I'm not over him or any of this. I am trying to live my life. I guess I just want to know, do you see happiness in love for me? I so badly want to be madly in love with someone wonderful who will love me back and want to have a real life with me. I feel scared and damaged, so hurt, so angry, so confused.

Love,
Shelley

Blessings Shelley!
It’s okay to grieve the loss of a loved one. Allow yourself to grieve for the relationship. It was not a perfect union, but you did invest time and your heart in it, so you need to grieve. You say the affair has been over for about a year. It is good that you haven’t gotten involved with someone else yet. Dating immediately to work through this grief would have caused you more harm than good. You invested many years into this so it’s almost like losing a spouse. In the end, he made his choice to stay with his wife, and that has been hard to accept after many years of him telling you he loved you. I feel your tears and anger and confusion and know that you’ll get through this and will attract love into your life when you are ready. You may feel you are ready now for someone to come in and love you and yes I’ll agree with that. BUT your vibration is still in grief mode and as long as you are sad and depressed you will attract people who are sad and depressed too. So before you start looking for love you should perhaps go back and look at the benefits of this affair ending. Focus on what is good in your life now. There are many things to be grateful for as you can attest with the miraculous recovery of your illness. You have people around who care about you, and you have your talents. Love is coming to you, just give yourself a little more time to heal. Also ask yourself how you would have felt if you were the wife of a cheating husband. She got the worse end of the stick and you, you are free, free to attract someone who sees your true worth.
My prayers for your happiness are with you today! God bless.

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