Dear Cristina,
I'm at a crossroads where I don't know if my long-distance boyfriend can be trusted; the uncertainty is changing who I am with often a slight lump in my throat. We have dated for a year over which time he has been so distrusting of me that I tried to end the relationship after feeling badgered. The last time this happened I found out that he went off with somebody else in those ten days and now I am the one insecure. I chose to stay with him when he admitted he has an issue with trust as I genuinely love him but clearly there is not a sense of safety in our relationship. Intuitively I sense we really have a lot to share if we can only get past this. Any help would be much appreciated as I don't know whether to go forward or bow out and the uncertainty is paralyzing.
Warm regards,
--Cherri
Blessings Cherri,
I see you are caged and trapped in a feeling that you are about to lose someone that you honestly never had. Your own spirit guide is telling you to let go, to free yourself. Long distance relationships are extremely challenging and most do not last. But this is not the only obstacle in this relationship. The greatest obstacle all along has been the issue of trust. A strong foundation in any relationship is always built on real trust. When you believe beyond a shadow of a doubt your partner is true to you, then the relationship has a chance, and vice-versa.
The issue of trust can come from many avenues, with factors such as insecurity, distance, flirting, over-possessiveness, etc. I see this relationship is unstable and you feel it. You may feel you have a lot to share, but I see these obstacles would take a long time to overcome. Trust, respect, and fun communication would make this relationship strong and healthy. I see you capable of these things, but is he? He has insecurity and trust issues that are deep-seated and would take a lot of work on his part to make a change.
Your partner’s insecurities add to this mistrust that cripples your communication and any flow of real love to you or to him. You must ask yourself how much longer you wish to endure this torture of hanging on to someone who is not only far away but whom you visualize seeing other women. You must ask yourself if you wish to remain trapped or free. Moving on, letting go is freedom. And with this freedom you can attract real love into your life and most likely from someone close to home.
I hope this helped in some small way. Visit me for a detailed reading at
www.kasamba.com/ask-cristina
Much love and light,
Cristina
Submit your Questions
Do you have questions for Cristina? Submit your questions to
community@kasamba.com for consideration and we might feature you in next month's Ask Cristina column! Use the subject line: “Ask Cristina”. (Remember, by submitting your question you agree to have it featured on our site if selected.)