September 18 - 24, 2017
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Aries
You opened the can of worms and they grew into those big sand worm things from Tremors, which was really good at first and then four movies later we were all wondering why, and now your boss has given you a new task: fight the sand worms. Although, you have to admit some fault here, you did take the idea to your boss, about opening that can of worms and your boss said whatever comes out of it will be up to you to deal with. So, the best way to go about this is to be smart because you've got a lot of work on your plate that you didn't have before, and the thing about this task is that, even when you think you've wrangled all the sand worms and come up with a plan to vanquish them from the face of the Earth, you're always going to have complications. Choose your teammates wisely because you'll need someone who can come up with ideas on the fly, someone you can trust, and someone who can shoot from the hip without worrying about how cool being able to do that is. Besides that, you've got to lead this misfit team of miscreants to victory, and everyone will be watching because they think you might trip on the hem of your pants on the way to the victory stage and face plant. Everyone loves a good face plant, and the grace by which you get up again. The Moon moves to Virgo on Monday and because you had the idea, now you get to execute it. We have a New Moon in Virgo on Tuesday as Venus moves to Virgo so you've got the pick of the litter for coworkers to assist. The Moon moves to Libra on Wednesday and you've got a good balance. The Sun moves to Libra on Friday and you're trying to please everyone. The Moon moves to Scorpio on Saturday reminding you that some projects don't take weekends off. The Moon moves to Sagittarius on Sunday and the adventure continues.Ascendant: Oh, are you ever way in over your head or what?
Taurus
There is just no rest for the wicked and the trouble with your boss is that regardless of what you think, they need you to do your job, at least until the very end of your term, because it's pretty clear you have some interest from other companies, it's also clear you don't care about what the company does anymore, and all of these things add up to your boss squeezing every last bit of essence from your soul like a succubus. You're mesmerized, a little turned on by the power, and you understand and respect the decision so you're actually going to give it your all. You know they have many qualities that make them possibly the worst boss on the planet, but those few redeeming things make it amusing for you to work. I remember when my friend was working in restaurants and they wanted him to stick it out for another couple weeks and train the person replacing him. I have to say, if your boss says train the replacement, laugh really loud and walk out, because my friend trained that new guy so wrong on everything that management fired the new guy and begged my friend to stay. You really want out so don't get your vengeance on. The Moon moves to Virgo on Monday and management wants everything they can get from you. We have a New Moon in Virgo on Tuesday as Venus moves to Virgo and you're content to walk away. The Moon moves to Libra on Wednesday and you feel balanced, free, happier, lighter. The Sun moves to Libra on Friday and you're convinced you made the right choice. The Moon moves to Scorpio on Saturday and you feel passionate. The Moon moves to Sagittarius on Sunday and you're ready for a new venture.Ascendant: Like a soul sucking succubus
Gemini
You’ve been hit with the business bug, meaning, you don’t want to do anything but focus on work because that entire plan to do things slowly has, as you predicted, blown up in your face, and in the faces of your boss and while you’re gritting your teeth and trying to be nice about you, you’re also doing your best not to fall behind. There are too many catastrophes that can occur if you don’t stay on top of all of the work and get it done as quickly and efficiently as possible. The good news is that nobody is telling you not to, they’re not telling you to do things the long way anymore because they’re also seeing the mountain of work ahead of them and they’re wondering how to get it all done without being super dedicated to it and yeah, cutting some corners. Fortunately, you’re not in the mood to gloat about it because you realize that won’t help anyone get through this, so you’re going to keep your opinions to yourself about it, and you’re going to be the team player, hero you wanted to be. You’ll save the day, and whether or not you get the recognition for it is irrelevant, you already know what everyone is thinking by the way they give you that side eye, so there’s nothing more you can do to teach them. You’re at the point where you need to attempt surviving this mini apocalypse, and know that you’ll come out the other side victorious champions. The Moon moves to Virgo on Monday and you’re going to manage this disaster to the best of your ability. We have a New Moon in Virgo on Tuesday as Venus moves to Virgo and you’re in survival mode. The Moon moves to Libra on Wednesday and you’re humble pie as you power through this. The Sun moves to Libra on Friday and you’re giving out some pats on the back. The Moon moves to Scorpio on Saturday and you feel exhausted but vindicated. The Moon moves to Sagittarius on Sunday and you’re letting a softer side of you come to the surface.Ascendant: Oh, you are not going to gloat about this
Cancer
You need to be practical about this next leg of the journey because the stupid thing about devil’s advocates is that if they feel high and mighty enough they will go above your head and complain to someone who will come down from the heavens and tell you that it’s time to scrap the beautiful thing you’re working on and try again. Or, they’ll come down and tell you that the project is no longer yours and they’re giving over power to someone else. Both things are just not going to work for you because of the passion, beauty, and vision you have for this thing. You don’t want someone coming in when your work is 90% complete, taking it the rest of the 10% and being like Ray Kroc who didn’t start the first McDonald’s, and didn’t come up with the idea for fast food, but turned it into a giant empire. I mean yes, give this person who takes your creativity, and hard work and give them their dues if they go 150% of the way with things, if they turn it into a global sensation, but if they’re just going to take your partially finished work, throw some finishing paint on it and call it their masterpiece, you’re going to make a huge ruckus over it. You might even decide it’s time to quit this project altogether and go back to what you’re used to doing in the shadows. You don’t have time for people who are going to get envious and then try to take over and micromanage you. The Moon moves to Virgo on Monday and that naysayer is talking a lot to people who might matter. We have a New Moon in Virgo on Tuesday as Venus moves to Virgo and you’ll be asked to make some changes. The Moon moves to Libra on Wednesday and you’re trying to find balance. The Sun moves to Libra on Friday and you’re weighing the pros and cons. The Moon moves to Scorpio on Saturday and you need to soap box a bit. The Moon moves to Sagittarius on Sunday and you’re going to find a way to make it work.Ascendant: You’re not letting someone else take over your project
Leo
You don’t like telling people how it’s done as much as you like showing them, and let’s face it, sometimes you like showing off because you find that you can handle having so much more on your plate in comparison to other people. It’s true that if you tell a Leo that you’re so busy and swamped with everything going on in your life, they will tell you that you’re preaching to the choir. It’s also not a great idea to play that game with a Leo, the only sign in the zodiac who might be handling more than a Leo is a Virgo, but if you get into the comparison game, everyone loses eventually. Just trust that the workload you take on is significant and that people around you admire you for how much you can take on, and surprisingly enough, when you lose it and you have to go on some angry tirade, they also forgive you because they know how much stress you’re under and none of them would want to switch with you, because none of them would want the pressure or the stress you have on your plate. You make a lot of difficult things look easy, and people tend to be motivated and inspired by you, nobody will ever think that you’re not giving your 110% because most of the time they see you giving 120% and they want to learn how to be like you, minus some of the angry outbursts. The Moon moves to Virgo on Monday and you’re back in the saddle, shooting through the epic to do list. We have a New Moon in Virgo on Tuesday as Venus moves to Virgo and you’re not going to compare apples to oranges, they’re very different things. The Moon moves to Libra on Wednesday and you’re finding the balance. The Sun moves to Libra on Friday and everyone is wondering how you do it. The Moon moves to Scorpio on Saturday and you might feel the need to put someone in their place. The Moon moves to Sagittarius on Sunday and you’re just happy for a day off.Ascendant: You’re going to show them how it’s done
Virgo
You can’t help but feel limited by your routine, there are so many things you want to accomplish, but obligation and responsibility hold you back. These are pillars of your personality, if someone needs you to do a job that you’re good at, something they’re willing to pay you for, it’s very hard for you to turn them down. You will do the things you’re good at until the day you die because you like being needed. You like it when people want you in charge, when they want you to guide and help others, when they want you to lead. You thrive off doing things that make other people happy, that make them feel safe, secure, and content. So, you put off these personal goals, these aspirations, these selfish needs because you don’t want to let everyone else down. I hate to say it, but when you fall into those patterns and let the routine control your life, this is when you’re degenerating into old patterns. You’re not allowing the new creative ideas you have to fuel you. I’m not saying you should take a leap of faith and quit the job, and go back to school to become a professional in a completely different field, I’m saying, you need to think your ideas through, write them down, come up with a fully fleshed out plan that will allow you to achieve your dreams. Sometimes, when you write it down you’ll find out that financially it’s impossible, it won’t work, and you’ll be stuck where you are forever. But, that’s better than going for it and finding out it’s going to fail after having put your life savings into it, right? The Moon moves to Virgo on Monday and the old you is making an appearance. We have a New Moon in Virgo on Tuesday ad Venus moves to Virgo but you are determined to do something new and amazing. The Moon moves to Libra on Wednesday and you’re weighing the options. The Sun moves to Libra on Friday and the plan needs to be solid before you jump. The Moon moves to Scorpio on Saturday filling you with doubt. The Moon moves to Sagittarius on Sunday making you anxious for a new business venture.Ascendant: Don’t get caught up in the routine
Libra
While it’s a steep learning curve, you feel pretty embarrassed about the way you’ve been acting lately, and what you’re realizing is that all of those better things in the world aren’t necessarily better, they’re just more expensive, and you can have comfort, love, laughter, joy, without having to spend all the money. You can have someone who loves you without having someone who’s the strongest or smartest or richest on the planet. You can be with someone who likes you for you, not for the things you have or the job you do, but your real identity. There’s definitely more to you than the possessions you own and the car you drive and the job that in some ways defines your identity. You never thought you’d let a job do that to you, but when a job turns into a career, when you begin to say you work for a company instead of at a company (big difference, teenagers work at McDonald’s, adults work for McDonald’s) that’s when who you are is intrinsically tied to what you do. And it’s hard to build relationships with people until you’re settled with your lifestyle, until you know yourself and know what you want to do for the rest of your life. You’re busy finding balance, finding simplicity, finding what makes you amazing without all the labels and stereotypes. Stripped down you might feel plain and boring, but that’s when people like you the most. The Moon moves to Virgo on Monday and you’re learning it’s not about the things you have. We have a New Moon in Virgo on Tuesday ad Venus moves to Virgo and you’re figuring out the work ethic thing. The Moon moves to Libra on Wednesday and you’re attempting to balance your personality. The Sun moves to Libra on Friday and you want to find self-control. The Moon moves to Scorpio on Saturday providing self-criticism. The Moon moves to Sagittarius on Sunday giving you hope.Ascendant: You always get another chance to get it right
Scorpio
When it comes down to it, your ideas are what drives you, they help you get to the next station in life, they allow you to get that inspiration that allows you to do some great things. You might have a really great business plan in place for something that, if done right could raise a lot of money for people and could become a legitimate business venture. You need to test it out on the small scale and figure out what’s going on, but you also need to give yourself a pat on the back for a job well done. You’ll notice that if it works on the small scale, it can become a giant monster overnight, so you also need to make a contingency plan if it blows up and becomes something super amazing. You have the power of persuasion in your hands and you need to use it to your advantage because that’s how you’re going to take off and how you’re going to go from being the little dog to the big dog. Also be careful though because if you don’t want it to take off, then save some of your ideas, because if you haven’t got time to chase a toddler aged charity project that has become a full time job, then, think about your objectives and actually think smaller. There’s no shame in saying you only have so much time for something. The Moon moves to Virgo on Monday and it’s time to troubleshoot. We have a New Moon in Virgo on Tuesday as Venus moves to Virgo and so much can go wrong, it blows your mind. The Moon moves to Libra on Wednesday and you’re seeing how much can go right, also mindblowing. The Sun moves to Libra on Friday and you’re ready to try this, but you’re worried. The Moon moves to Scorpio on Saturday and you’re making a pro/con list. The Moon moves to Sagittarius on Sunday and you’re going to take the plunge anyway.Ascendant: This has the power to be very good or very not good
Sagittarius
You’ve learned how to create this bubble in which you have your own crew of people who care about you and make sure you’re not doing something on the epic stupid list. Besides that, you’ve got these big dreams and the practical kick in the face as to how to go from where you are to the big dreams has you stumped. You need some time to figure out the plan but you’re also trying to figure out what your needs are, and how you can achieve your dreams with the least amount of stress caused to you. It seems like this giant mountain right now but you’re trying to psyche yourself up about climbing it, and if this were an expedition to climb Mount Everest you’d be taking every precaution and making a plan to make it to the apogee. This is no different, people have died on that climb and you don’t want to be one of the silly people saying you can do these big things, but then without thinking about the consequences or the repercussions, you jump in head first. That’s a surefire way to fail so bad you feel too awful to ever try again. I had something like that happen in gymnastics class, I thought I could do the vault, and I took a run, wigged out, crashed into the thing, and couldn’t do it again. I kept thinkin the same thing would happen. Sage advice, don’t blow it. The Moon moves to Virgo on Monday and practicality rules. We have a New Moon in Virgo on Tuesday ad Venus moves to Virgo but you’re going to come up with crazy logistics. The Moon moves to Libra on Wednesday and you know this is going to work. The Sun moves to Libra on Friday you’re even going to get to have some luxurious things. The Moon moves to Scorpio on Saturday and even the advocate has nothing to say! The Moon moves to Sagittarius on Sunday and you feel excited.Ascendant: You’re not going to mess this up
Capricorn
You had that sinking suspicion that if you didn’t do the social things at work, you’d end up feeling left out, or you’d possibly find yourself behind and out of the loop. Whether it’s perception alone or it’s really happening around you, the guilt that you didn’t join the team for drinks after work is hitting you hard. You know that part of the reason people get promoted, or get bonuses is because they got the boss to like them, they went drinking and showed off their skills in beer pong and now they’re the one heading up the department while despite your years of service and all your hard work you’re stuck where you are. You’re hoping that by continuing to be practical and strong willed that you’ll end up making it to the top anyway but the sting you’re feeling now is still going to hurt for a little while. You don’t like how the social aspects of work affect the actual work aspects. You wish that doing a good job would equal getting a promotion but sometimes that doesn’t happen and especially in this climate where Jupiter is in Libra, it’s more about who you know than what you know, so your intelligence and your capability means nothing if you can’t play a good game of table tennis. The Moon moves to Virgo on Monday and you just feel so behind everyone else. We have a New Moon in Virgo on Tuesday as Venus moves to Virgo and you’re hoping to find a way to impress your coworkers. The Moon moves to Libra on Wednesday and it seems everyone is better at being social than you. The Sun moves to Libra on Friday and you’re annoyed that you can’t find things to talk about. The Moon moves to Scorpio on Saturday and the truth about your social ineptitude bothers you. The Moon moves to Sagittarius on Sunday and you’ll be learning how to converse.Ascendant: You realize that being social is half the battle
Aquarius
My mother always told me never give them the satisfaction of seeing you cry. You know better than anyone that if someone knows which buttons to push they will push them, they will stab you right in that chink in your armor, they will try to poke holes in the flawless façade you’ve built for yourself. Sometimes you get clients who want to turn the tables on you, turn you into the problem, turn themselves into your solution. Sometimes you get people who think they’re better than you, that they don’t need your sage wisdom, people who think you’re just a messy, loose canon that can’t keep your mouth shut when it really matters. The truth is, you’re only those things when someone pushes you to be those things, if they hit the giant red, DO NOT TOUCH button in you, then whatever the result of that is not entirely your fault. I know, take responsibility for your actions, but there are times when you’ve been really upfront about your pet peeves, about your likes and dislikes, and if someone can’t respect you enough to leave those chinks in the armor alone, then they deserve whatever reaction they elicit from you. This isn’t up for debate, you are allowed to feel, you’re allowed to be real, and if you need to step out of the room because a belligerent client is saying things that are harmful to your emotions, then that’s what you have to do. Sometimes, the best thing to do when someone is yelling at you is walk away. If you’ve stated your position, and they’re still screaming, just leave. There’s no shame in not listening to someone who isn’t listening to you. The Moon moves to Virgo on Monday and you want to be as professional as possible. We have a New Moon in Virgo on Tuesday as Venus moves to Virgo and you’re trying to hang onto every ounce of self-control. The Moon moves to Libra on Wednesday and you’re attempting friendliness. The Sun moves to Libra on Friday and you need a distraction. The Moon moves to Scorpio on Saturday and all the ranting and raving is going to come out. The Moon moves to Sagittarius on Sunday and you’re calm.Ascendant: If they want to make you the villain you can be the villain
Pisces
There’s always that moment when the hero has the beard, they’re eating spam out of can, and they haven’t showered in three weeks, but they’re still soldiering on the through the desert to find their way to the forbidden treasure of the lost tomb of the Babylonian civilization. You’ve hit that level, that, you can’t see straight but you’re still going to try to slog through the work because you know that even though it’s been nearly seventy-two hours since you last slept, some laws say once you hit hour seventy-three you are legally insane and anything you do can be considered temporary insanity. You’d have a good case if you were to completely lose it right now but you’re too much of a perfectionist and an emotionless robot for that, so you’re going to stay in line, the AI (artificial intelligence) installed or downloaded into your synthetic brain is going to continue running the work program and that’s going to carry you through the week until it’s time to switch out the cartridge (I don’t know why we’re still using cartridges to be honest, it seems a bit barbaric) and you begin the fantasy program and you’ll have a good eight hours of binge watching Netflix ahead of you at some point. You’ll need to tap into the rest of the network to connect with people who pretend to care about you, and those you pretend to care about, because who are you kidding anyway? Life is just one simulation or another, it’s all an experiment in a planet sized bubble and it’ll come to an end someday. The Moon moves to Virgo on Monday and you’re exhausted, so exhausted the walls are moving. We have a New Moon in Virgo on Tuesday as Venus moves to Virgo and you had too much of the Kool-Aid. The Moon moves to Libra on Wednesday and you need to run a diagnostic on your mind. The Sun moves to Libra on Friday and you can’t process anything. The Moon moves to Scorpio on Saturday telling you this is all fake. The Moon moves to Sagittarius on Sunday having you question your existence.Ascendant: Oh, so we’ve gone into that philosophical place have we?
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